Sebastian's Pain
by XoXoBrielCipriano
Summary: Nobody knows what was it like to be Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern (Sebastian).


Xx The Mortal Instruments Fan Fiction xX

Xx Jonathan (Sebastian)'s Pain xX

Summary: Life as Valentine's son is not that fun. One shot.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but this plot though I wish to own Sebastian (Jonathan). All rights go to Cassandra Clare.

Jonathan trained so hard last night. His body aches because he had fell from the rafters countless times trying to do a precise flips and his hands were blistered from holding the seraph blade for hours and hours trying to perfect his skills by fighting with his father. His skins bleed and scratched all over and he treated his own wound.

His father was merciless. He always is. It was not easy to please his father and as any other children, he always wanted to please his father.

Sometimes he wonders what it would be like to have a mother. _No, _Jonathan thought. To him, his mother is heartless. What kind of mother would leave her own child? Jonathan was only a baby when she left him. Even if she hadn't thought that he was dead from the fire at the manor, she would left her anyway. Who wants a demon child anyway?

Jonathan is now seven years old. Today is his birthday and despite the fact that he was pain all over, he was thrilled. His father never celebrates his birthday before but who knows today he will change? Jonathan never stops hoping. But his father always gives the other Jonathan everything he wanted for his birthday but never give him anything for his birthday, not even wishes.

His father never celebrates his birthday. _I am his son too right?_ Little Jonathan thought sadly. Maybe at least his father would ease up the training today.

Jonathan readied himself and head toward the training room. Valentine was there. His back was facing Jonathan. The other Jonathan was on one of the rafters which are not as high as the one he used to jump from. That Jonathan made an almost perfect flips. He stumble a little as he landed and he winched as his ankle receive shocks from the jump. Jonathan looks away. He does not care about that Jonathan. To be truth, he was always jealous of that Jonathan.

"You are late," his father's voice broke off his train of thought.

"I am sorry father, but father today is my-" Jonathan don't get to finish his words because his father turns to look at him with one of his indifferent look.

"No, I don't want to listen to any excuses Jonathan, now I want you to jump from rafter and perfect your flips, your flips yesterday was fine,"

"But father, that rafter was way too high I am a-"

"Jonathan…I want you to go and do it, now. I will be watching you," Valentine says with an absolute warning in his voice, never letting his own son finishes what he want to say.

"Yes, father," Jonathan said. He climbed on the highest rafter that he never jumped from before. His heart is pounding and he could feel sweats on his head. Not from the tiredness of climbing the stairs, but from the nervous that is clenching in his chest.

Jonathan balanced himself perfectly as he walked along the narrow wood of the rafter. He could feel his father's haunting eyes watching his every move. He stops when he reached the middle of the rafter. It was very high and Jonathan was afraid. He gulped. Take a deep breath and jumped.

He felt the familiar pull of gravity and the slaps of wind. He pushed his head lower so that his legs would have the chance to push backward further. He feels himself turns twice in the air before he landed perfectly on the hard wood floor. A shot of surprise electricity ride up his legs to his knees and he doubled over, holding his legs. His eyes were clenched shut and he is gritting his teeth as if it helps to lessen the pain on his legs.

"Get on your feet Jonathan," Valentine cold voice says to Jonathan.

"But father, my legs hurt," Jonathan is not lying. Even the pain from yesterday emerges back and worsens the pain in his feet now.

"Stop whining Jonathan, get up and to it again. I want you to do it again and again until you don't feel the pain you are feeling now," Valentine's voice was cold. He doesn't mind the fact that his son's ankle feels like it is coming off the joints.

For a moment, Jonathan looks up his father's eyes with a look full of hatred.

Jonathan got up and the other Jonathan was watching him with a look of confusion and sympathy in his face. His blond hair was pasted to his forehead because of the sweat.

Jonathan walked slowly toward the stairs. His legs hurt so much and his head is banging.

He flipped from that high rafter till lunch time but he still could not get it right. By that time, his legs are numb and trembling. He felt like his knee cap is going to come off. But he ignores the pain. After lunch time, the other Jonathan head toward the study and Jonathan head back toward the training room.

"Your flips are still imperfect so do it again, I can't move on to the next lesson if you can't even do that flips perfectly," Valentine stated. He was supposed to leave him to train on his own by now and he should be teaching the other Jonathan other stuff he never intend to teach him. He was only in that study once a week to study language and codex. Other than that, his days were filled with training.

_Why father never thought me how to play the piano or other thing he taught that Jonathan? Why does he always seem to love that Jonathan but no me? _

_Why does he not love me? _Jonathan thought. Not worth it, he will never get any answers to any of those questions. Father never even listened to what he had to say.

"But father my legs hurts so much, can we do other stuff first?" Jonathan almost exclaimed. He know that protesting or whining is not the best thing to do at his father but his legs truly hurt and he wishes to study in the library with the other Jonathan.

Valentine then retrieves a demon coil whip that is hanging on the wall. He looks at Jonathan with a hostile look on his face. His eyes are dark and warning. Valentine cocked his head to the side as if to say _do you have anything else to argue?_

Jonathan gulped. He knew how hurt that demon coil whip feels like. No rune could be used to heal it. Jonathan unwillingly climbed the stairs again. Pain shot up his legs every single time his legs unwillingly surrender to the gravity. But he can't possibly just not do it right?

He does not want to be whipped by that torturous whip. The pain is unbearable and Jonathan have shiver just by thinking of it

Jonathan never closes his eyes when he does flips. But this time he doesn't know why, he closes his eyes. He bends his knees and jumps but then pain twisted in his legs, vexed and violence in his legs. He can't flips, he just fall, fall on his back to the hard wood floor. The pain was excruciating.

Valentine looks down upon Jonathan that is crying in agony on the floor.

"You failed, again Jonathan. This time you don't even flip," he says. His voice is dark and unforgiving. "I hope you know what does that means,"

He says and before Jonathan could register what he meant, Valentine raises the whip in the air and whips Jonathan hard on his back. Jonathan had known what it is like to be whipped with demon coil since he can remember but the pain would never be bearable. It feels like his bones are crushing to dust and his flesh are tearing, fibre by fibre. It feels like there is a bang in his head and Jonathan cries out so hard that his throat hurt and he could taste blood on in his mouth.

"FATHER PLEASE STOPS ARGGH!" Jonathan screams out but Valentine ignores his cry of agony as if he was deaf.

Valentine whips him thrice and Jonathan already feels like dying. He wants to die, to just get it over with everything.

He never understands why his father never does this to the other Jonathan. He feels tears wetting his cheek. The pain was too much he could not move.

_Today is my birthday father, how could you._ Jonathan wants to say but he couldn't even get the voice to. He accepted the fact that he was alone and he got to fight on his own for his life and fate.

He accepted the fact that even if he died, he won't be missed.

He will always walk the path of darkness and alones forever. He closes his eyes and surrenders himself to the dark abyss of his life even though he knows that won't help to ease up the pain wherever it is, on his body or heart. Nothing will or can heal the unseen pain.

_Will he ever be loved?_

_Will anybody ever care for him?_

_Stupid question, _he thought. He already knows that nobody will ever love him. Nobody will ever care for him.

He is alone.

Forever.

Xx End of Jonathan (Sebastian)'s pain xX

A/N there, I thought I would write something on Sebastian's past. By the way, the other Jonathan is Jace. In case you didn't know. Don't hate me for this. I just want to write something that could probably explain why Sebastian is who he is today. If I could I just want to hug Sebastian and says how much I love him… don't you see the sadness in him even in Cassandra's writing. Gosh the thought of it…

By the way…Thank You for reading and please, please, please review and let me know what do you think of this fan fiction.


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